a very long story about that time i told my husband i was pregnant during mile 18 of the portland marathon

The 2 weeks preceding the marathon, while we were just beginning the 4HourBody diet, I began to feel pretty awful. I initially chalked up the extreme fatigue to the lentil-heavy, fruitless diet and 5 months of too much running. When coffee began to taste like vinegar, I simply swore off caffeine in the name of better athletic performance. The nausea that kicked in when I ate anything other than a bagel? Just my marathon body telling me to eat more bagels.

Too many times I work I felt like I could not stay on my feet another minute. I pulled a stool behind the counter and plopped down watching my coworkers with their endless amounts of energy, making things like cutting fruit look easy (for me, chopping strawberries felt like a triathalon). I related my symptoms to Becca, who put down her knife and looked me in eye: “Oh my gosh. You’re having a baby.” 

I talked it over with Jason, and we reminded ourselves of the extreme unlikelihood of that we had conceived during the one time we could think of where we didn’t use a condom. Impossible! we declared… right?

But we picked up a pregnancy test just to be sure, and Jason delivered it to me at work the Friday before the marathon. I took it on my break and went out the the parking lot, huddled in the shadow of the Thriftway dumpster to read the results in secret.

Two lines. I saw the positive test and did not think “I’m pregnant” - I just thought, “Hm. Two lines.” I kept repeating it in my head like a mantra “Two lines. Two lines.” I thought about calling Jason, but I realized that this was a rare and wonderful opportunity I had to REVEAL something to the man I love most… I decided to wait until the next day and do something truly creative to share the news. 

Jason proposed marriage to me with a sweet children’s book story of two little birds. He wrote and illustrated the entire story, following the birds along the Appalachian Trail and on the subway in NYC and how the little blue bird followed the little red bird all the way out to Washington State. I decided to “propose fatherhood” to Jason by writing the rest of the bird story, beginning with the wedding and the bike trip migration, continuing with the building of the Tacoma nest and of course, finishing with the laying of the surprise egg. 

But early that morning my friend Claire showed up to ride with us to Portland for the marathon, and I knew that I wouldn’t have time to finish the drawings before my race. I figured I would wait until after the marathon, knowing that if I did tell Jason beforehand there was a slight chance he’d try to keep me from running 26 miles while 8 weeks pregnant. And I really did not want to be stopped by anyone, especially someone the size of a peanut!

So Sunday arrived and my friends arrived and they escorted me to the starting line. I took off trotting and quickly found a running buddy, who was completing her 5th marathon. Keeping up with her meant running 7.5min miles (much faster than my normal marathon pace) but falling behind meant losing my companion, which meant being completely alone with my hormones and my aching body.

I stopped to pee at the halfway mark and my buddy ran off without me. At this point I began to feel quite sick and lost all running mojo. I thought about the months I’d trained and willed myself to continue. I made it five more miles at a slow jog and then I thought about how there was possibly a little life within me and the course began to get very blurry and I wondered if I could run anymore, if it was safe to lose so much water by crying while running a marathon. I hopped off the course near some university football stadium, crouched behind a billboard and started to sob. Like actual big breathy heaving sobs. And then I called Jason. 

“Are you alone?”

“No…” (He was in a coffee shop with my 3-person cheering squad)

“Sniffle sniffle, go somewhere alone, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Boo hooo, I-I-I ahh, sniff I didn’t forget ah boo to take the test I hoo hoo I did take it and a sniffle I think I am sniffle ahh pregnant and I didn’t tell you, sob sob because I knew you’d be disappointed, sniffle sniffle I wanted to make the birds, but I’m so tired, and I don’t know sniff sniff if I can keep keep running anymore sniff sniff boo hooo.”

“Oh my gosh! I’m not disappointed! That’s amazing! That’s amazing! I’m not disappointed at all, it’s amazing!” He used the word amazing at least 20 more times, then “You don’t have to keep running! Where are you? I’ll come get you!”

“Snniiifffle, hooo I just passed mile 18. You don’t have a car. I’m far away from downtown. Sigghh hoo hoo sniff, I will keep going.”

In a moment of pure valiance, with a lion-like roar, my husband: “I WILL RUN THERE!”

Jason has never even run 8 miles, much less 18. (He also doesn’t actually roar, but the passion in his voice that intense.)

I discouraged Jason from that impossible scheme and we made a plan: I’d walk until I felt a little better then I’d run to the finish. And we both agreed that I could subtract the 9 minute phone call from my final marathon time.

So I ran 23 of the 26 miles and finished in just under 5 hours. And someday Baby Keil will be able to brag that at the tender age of negative 32 weeks, he/she ran their first marathon!

(photo creds to Kristin Hunziker, who was also a marvelous cheerleader!)

When we got home I finally finished my bird drawings and sent them out to family as a pregnancy announcement. Many phone calls and much laughing and crying ensued. 

Despite the tears in the story, Jason and I are absolutely THRILLED to be parents! Being pregnant is hands down the coolest thing I’ve ever done… and that includes running a marathon. We can’t wait to meet that baby and smother him/her in kisses!

Alas, it’s true! I’m afraid I may have even forgotten how to blog. My little newlywed world got suddenly very busy; something had to give, and it had to be blogging. I can’t even fill you in on the last month in old photos because I lost my phone at a rowdy Halloween party and didn’t replace it until yesterday!

As to the Thanksgiving inquiry by my mother-in-love, we were blessed to share Thanksgiving with a few other bloggin’ newlyweds… Andy and Ruthy from Discovery Street hosted (and chronicled on their blog), with Libby and Dan from Delightfully Tacky also in attendance. Jason and I stuffed our faces with food and got our butts kicked at Cranium, due in large part to our mutual inability to draw anything.

We have a lot to be thankful for this year: 9 happy months of being married, a gorgeous downtown apartment we call home, healthy bodies, jobs we like, family and friends of the highest caliber, even though many of them are scattered about the country. 

Although I’ll try to throw in a few holiday reflections and photos, my posting here will continue to be sparse for the rest of the year. I’ve been cheating on this blog with a little side project that will debut next year, so the little internet time I do have will mostly be invested that way… but get excited, it will be wonderful. 

One thousand gifts {1-9}

This morning I am tempted to make a list of the things that overwhelm and burden me. 18 nights in October where house guests forced me tip-toe in my own home, my pride still recovering from a rather awful performance at the Portland Marathon, the feelings of disconnect and confusion stemming from my lost iPhone…

But there is evidence of grace, and I am instead making a different kind of list. 

1. hundreds of adorably costumed munchkins visiting my workplace last night

2. the look of awe on Jason’s face as I explain to him what sea monkeys are

3. a trip to Mad Hat commencing our first foray into the world of fine tea

4. a visit from a friend on a very big journey

5. new shoes and a pair of feet that don’t hurt

6. anticipation of this weekend’s retreat

7. the murmuration of starlings

8. successfully bartering froyo for free soup and coffee

9. inward renewal

linking today with One Thousand Gifts

at the rose garden

This was our first stop in Portland after we picked up my marathon packet.

There 8,000 rose bushes in International Rose Testing Garden in Washington Park. I think we stuck our noses into at least 7,000 of them. 

Have I told you about my friend Claire? We like to bring her along whenever we travel. She’s basically a human atlas… she knows everything about the northwest and can answer navigation questions about places she’s never even been to. (And she doesn’t have a smart phone so we know she’s not cheating!)

Claire is also one of the most loyal, supportive friends I have. (Remember when she surprised me at the Narrows Half Marathon?) She’s one of those rare folks who embodies both bluntness and kindness. Claire puts cinnamon on everything and takes beautiful pictures. When we first moved to Tacoma, she was the first one to visit us; she came over for a sleepover before we even had a refrigerator! 

Friends and flowers made it a truly lovely day. (…Is there any word better than “lovely” to describe an afternoon in the rose garden?)

it’s kind of a funny story

I’ve been feeling a little displaced with our airbnb guest sleeping in my workspace. Normally I love to host people, but this particular houseguest has been challenging. She’s definitely a character, a very very chatty elderly lady with a big mane of gray hair and a wiry little body and bug eyes. She also has a variety of special needs, some easily apparent and some less so. For us, this means taking care of her is more hands-on than the twenty-something world-traveling couchsurfers we usually host.

Don’t worry, I’m not just ragging on our guest; this is leading up to a story.

On Friday night, Jason volunteered at Oktoberfest and had the opportunity to drink a bunch of free, high-quality microbrew beer. Jason is very moderate in all things, alcohol consumption included. So I was pretty tickled when he texted me how sick he was feeling… if you know Jason, you can appreciate the humor of this very disciplined and put-together young man - his first sip of alcohol was on his 21st bday, and in two years I’ve never seen him drunk! - accidentally having too much drink. (We’ve since been advised that the sickness was likely not caused by quantity of alcohol but rather the consumption beer after a whole week of no carbs.)

Our guest has chronic pain and finds hot baths particularly soothing during severe episodes. She arrived after midnight Friday night, and I had to spend over a hour helping her unpack her stuff and listening to her describe in detail her food allergies, medical needs, and the logistical difficulties of trying to get her apartment in Seattle. Around 2am, I went to bed annoyed and exhausted, while our guest ran a bath and settled in the tub to unwind. 

In the early am, Jason awoke feeling nauseous and sprinted to the bathroom. He flung the door open and found our buggy, grandmothery guest sprawled out in the bathtub completely naked… and sound asleep.

Jason said his first reaction was shock/disgust at seeing so much wrinkly skin, then he wondered if maybe she was dead and he ought to try to rouse her… they hadn’t even met at this point! But the nausea was stronger than the concern and so rather than wake her, Jason ran out to the courtyard of our apartment to relieve himself then stumbled back to bed in a sick stupor. 

Hehehe…. I’m still giggling about it…

As it turns out, our guest was not dead (whew!), and as far as we know she still has no idea Jason saw so much of her. 

(On a more serious note, this guest will be staying with us on-and-off for most of October… to be honest, I’m really not happy about it. It is very disruptive to be constantly engaged in small talk in your own home and have to hide in your bedroom when you want a little quiet. But she has nowhere else to go, and Jason and I have a unique opportunity to be Jesus to her now. Plus she’s blackmailing us with threats of bad reviews on the airbnb site…. Lord, have mercy!)

out with the old, in with the new

In honor of the end of September/ beginning of October, here’s one of those entirely uncreative update posts you may or may not wish to ignore: 

-Jason took my two favorite pairs of shoes to the shoe repair shop and was told they are both beyond repair. The cobbler (that’s a shoe-maker, right?) basically said I waited too long to bring them in. I foresee a pair of new shoes in my near future…

-We are feeling overwhelmingly blessed by recent spontaneous income from several surprising sources, including a gift from my sister to our honeymoon registry with a note telling us to “relive the honeymoon days!”, craigslist sales, a raise, support for my ministry with Intervarsity (which goes toward my training and expenses for students), and our first guest on airbnb (who wants to stay 2 weeks, which would pay about half of our October rent)! Jason is meeting/ exceeding all of his financial goals, and it truly feels like a new season of prosperity is upon us. 

-Jason is sticking to the plan marvelously, eating bowl after bowl of beans and lentils and veggies. Today is his first workout! (Plan begins with 7 days of muscle rest.) With my marathon just around the corner, I’m back on the white carb-eating train though still doing the high-protein part of the diet.

-I’m pretty excited about the free time it will create in my schedule to no longer be running 10hrs/ week. This week I’ve been brainstorming ideas for my next personal growth project. Since the last couple of months my main focus has been fitness, I’m thinking from now until the end of the year I’ll take on a more creative project. Options in the running include song-writing, zine making, reading through the All TIME 100 Novels list, keeping a devotional blog (separate from this one)… what do you guys think? 

-We are still looking for a church home. The missional community we’ve been attending all summer is multiplying this week, and we are prayerfully considering what to do next. Deciding where to go to church has actually been one of the most difficult decisions in our first months as a married couple. I am of the passionate sort (read: critical and opinionated) and let me tell you, church-hunting brings out the worst in me! Earlier this fall my mentor Caleb challenged me to work on dwelling, and I think our committing to a community is the best way to facilitate that process (no more visiting a new place every Sunday, whew!). Pray (if you do that kind of thing) for unity and discernment as we make a choice sometime soon. 

Alas, things are good. Bring it on, October!

Last night, Jason and I took off our clothes and did something REALLY fun.

Don’t worry, it’s not what you’re thinking… Although (semi)naked pictures were involved… ;-)

We pulled out the measuring tape and measured our bodies. Necks, shoulders, chests, thighs, calf muscles, biceps, forearms, and waist. Today we are starting a muscle building plan based on the Four Hour Body, and these initial measurements will help us track our progress. The nudey photos will serve as the “before” pictures. 

The plan involves short, high-intensity workouts 3x/week and a high-protein “slow carb” diet. Both of us will be eating lots of vegetables, lots of beans, lots of eggs, no white carbs, and no fruit. Jason’s eating plan also includes brown rice and quinoa and dairy products, since he is actively trying to gain mass. 

Once a week we get a cheat day where we can eat whatever we want (read: entire pizzas, massive root beer floats, big bowls of fruit salad, pastries by the dozen) so our digestive systems don’t adjust to deprivation and our fat-processing hormones get released… if you’re interested, the science is way better explained by the book. Psychologically, you have the binge day to anticipate when you’re craving something (the author suggests writing cravings in a to-eat list as a way to “deferred eating”) and afterward you usually feel so terrible as not to not even want junk for a week, lol.

We are both pretty excited for this little experiment. Jason has to eat so much that he will likely feel a little sick for the first few days… generally speaking, my husband eats like a bird. I try to feed him doughnuts and milkshakes, but he genuinely likes to eat small quantities of healthy food! (Mama Tina and Mike-Daddy and the Keil gang are over there nodding in agreement… apparently Jason has been like this since childhood.) 

Here’s to the simultaneous thrill and challenge of adopting a new discipline… Ready, set, go!

confessions of a recovering ableist

I’m guilty of valuing competence over character recently. Not just in myself, but also in the people around me.

In our student-led Bible studies at UPS this week, we read this story and tried to identify which “neighbors” in our lives we most struggle to love. I didn’t even have to think about it; I knew instantly who my “Samaritan” was. 

It is a person about whom I have said multiple times “she’s a nice girl, but…” and finished with a critique of her ability/efficiency/knowledge.

Embedded in this short sentence there are many sins: gossip, impatience, and pride are among them.

At Evergreen I was made aware of the concept of “ableism” - discrimination against people based upon their abilities. The term is most commonly used in disability-rights circle and applies to situations where companies don’t do a good job making their products available to those with certain handicaps or where disabled people are shunned by society. A friend explained it to me once while engaging me in a conversation about my use of the word “lame” as a synonym for uncool, informing me that this was offensive to people who are, in fact, lame. 

I think ableism is sin most at work in my judgement of this particular “neighbor.” Jesus does not judge by ability, and neither should we. Certainly Jesus cares more about how we treat people than how quickly we count change or how well we multitask. 

My phone is broken and without music or podcasts to distract me on my runs, I have had a lot of time to reflect on this situation. “She’s a nice girl” does not require a “but.” Such genuine interest in others, the affection and concern that this girl displays, is very rare. It is beautiful! I think about my many interactions with her- how she continually compliments customers and how she always responded to my condescension with Kindness. I think about how though I am hard-working and fun and smart, maybe I am not altogether very Kind. 

A strange thing begins to happen as I think about these things. I feel a gentleness and care begin to well up inside me. I begin to feel genuine love for my incompetent neighbor. I begin to realize how she has been modeling exactly the kind of humility and kindness I need to learn, and I begin to think of how I can love her better.

Would you pray with me, that it is not too late to rectify the situation? That these little seeds of kindness and humility will continue to grow in me, especially as I step into a leadership role at work? And most of all, that the name and values of Jesus would be honored in my heart and in my workplace?

Amen and amen.  

guess what we’re celebrating…

It’s not a birthday.

It’s not an anniversary.

It’s not a baby. (although at this point, a non-pregnancy is indeed a reason to celebrate!)

…It’s a promotion!

That’s right, you’re looking at the new Assistant Manager of Gibson’s Frozen Yogurt Shoppe, effective immediately. 

(This is how it works, isn’t it? The minute you decide to stop finding your identity in your job, to stop feeling defeated because you are still not where you want to be professionally, to choose joy in the midst of the long days and low wages, to be thankful because after all, you actually enjoy the work that He gave you!…. the moment you cease to want so desperately this thing of the world, God smiles and says, “Here, have it anyway.”)

photo via Kayla